What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Tag: #animals
Browse jokes in this category.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bar tender says "Hey." The horse says "Sure."
Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked.
Still funny.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What animal is always at a game of cricket?
A bat.
So, I heard this pun about cows, but it's kinda offensive so I won't say it.
I don't want there to be any beef between us.
At the boxing match, the dad got into the popcorn line and the line for hot dogs, but he wanted to stay out of the punchline.
Still funny.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you call a duck that gets all A's?
A wise quacker.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
A milk shake!
I adopted my dog from a blacksmith.
As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools!
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don't think it's feline well.
Still funny.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?
Because it was a cheetah.
Where do young cows eat lunch?
In the calf-ateria.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Damn!
I was thinking about moving to Moscow but there is no point Russian into things.
Still funny.
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?"
Still funny.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence?
It was udder destruction.
Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog?
Somebody told him to get a long little doggy.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
A cat-tastrophe.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
Where do cats write notes?
Scratch Paper!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
Why are fish easy to weigh?
Because they have their own scales.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Still funny.
So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says "Give me some chap-stick… and put it on my bill"
Still funny.
Why did the teddy bear say "no" to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What kind of magic do cows believe in?
MOODOO.
What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?
A Fermilabrador Retriever.
Animal Fact #25:
Most bobcats are not named bob.
what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?
a labracadabrador
Why are snake races so exciting?
They're always neck and neck.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
"My Dog has no nose." "How does he smell?
" "Awful"
What does a female snake use for support?
A co-Bra!
I tried to milk a cow today, but was unsuccessful.
Udder failure.
What do you call a pile of cats?
A Meowtain.
Two parrots are sitting on a perch.
One turns to the other and asks, "do you smell fish?"
A farmer had 297 cows, when he rounded them up, he found he had 300
Still funny.
It was raining cats and dogs the other day.
I almost stepped in a poodle.
Why do bears have hairy coats?
Fur protection.
They tried to make a diamond shaped like a duck.
It quacked under the pressure.
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?
Quacks in the pavement.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
'Put the cat out' … 'I didn't realize it was on fire
Still funny.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?
Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are. Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
Why are mummys scared of vacation?
They're afraid to unwind.
What did the dog say to the two trees?
Bark bark.
Why do cows not have toes?
They lactose!
What do you call a snake who builds houses?
A boa constructor!
Why did the man run around his bed?
Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
When will the little snake arrive?
I don't know but he won't be long...
Did you know that protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were catholic.
What do you call two barracuda fish?
A Pairacuda!
What do you call a female snake.
misssssssss
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it's too far to walk.
Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?
She was a roman catholic.
I accidentally took my cats meds last night.
Don't ask meow.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the riverbank