What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Top Jokes
Family favorites ranked by real reactions from readers like you.
"Dad, I'm hungry." Hello, Hungry.
I'm Dad.
What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he had no guts.
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?
I'm a cashew!
I accidentally took my cats meds last night.
Don't ask meow.
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
Still funny.
Chances are if you' ve seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Still funny.
Dermatologists are always in a hurry.
They spend all day making rash decisions.
I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work, but it was a whisk I was willing to take.
Still funny.
I won an argument with a weather forecaster once.
His logic was cloudy...
How come the stadium got hot after the game?
Because all of the fans left.
"Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels."
What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk?
Ketchup.
What do you call two barracuda fish?
A Pairacuda!
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?
She was a roman catholic.
What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee.
I'll tell you what often gets over looked...
garden fences.
Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it's too far to walk.
What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?
I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.
The second time let me down.
To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
Still funny.
Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.
Still funny.
What do you call a female snake.
misssssssss
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop signing "I'm A Believer"...
Then I saw her face.
I'm only familiar with 25 letters in the English language.
I don't know why.
Why was it called the dark ages?
Because of all the knights.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the riverbank
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
What do you do on a remote island?
Try and find the TV island it belongs to.
Did you know that protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were catholic.
Dad I'm hungry' … 'Hi hungry I'm dad
Still funny.
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.
I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a no bell prize.
Still funny.
Wife: Honey I'm pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now?
Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor. Me: Hm.. I think I'd be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
Have you heard the story about the magic tractor?
It drove down the road and turned into a field.
When will the little snake arrive?
I don't know but he won't be long...
Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?
Guilty
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly!
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?
Because it was rated arrr!
What's Forest Gump's Facebook password?
1forest1
It was so cold yesterday my computer froze.
My own fault though, I left too many windows open.
Man, I really love my furniture...
me and my recliner go way back.
I'm tired of following my dreams.
I'm just going to ask them where they are going and meet up with them later.